First Impressions: Dragon Quest Monsters Joker

Okay, I can't really keep it a secret - I am a huge fan of the Dragon Quest Monsters series. I have the first one, both versions of the second one (and both have been played extensively), and even the third game (Caravan Heart) which was never released stateside (which I spent way too much time and effort creating a FAQ/walkthrough for). So when I heard that another one - with the curious title Joker - was coming out, I knew I had to have it. Like, release day.

After one false start Tuesday (oh I hate how the listed date is sometimes "when it ships" and sometimes "when it gets here"), I picked up the game yesterday afternoon. I've played it a bunch.


What do I think? Let me tell you a story. A story about Star Wars.

After Episode I came out, everyone was a little skeptical about how Episode II would be. I mean, a relative unknown in the lead, shaky work on the previous film, etc. etc. So I didn't get that hyped for it. I mostly avoided previews and such, and was rewarded for my ignorance - I actually kind of liked Attack of the Clones.

So the series was, at least to me, looking on the up-and-up again. And then they started releasing stuff to bridge to the third movie. Most notable of these was the Cartoon Network shorts, which were...just freaking awesome. General Grevious was at least 60% of my excitement for seeing Revenge of the Sith. So I was there opening day to see it.

Oh man, was that like getting hit in the balls with a two-by-four. Awesome characters were killed off like little bitches, especially Grevious. Horrible, terrible dialogue. Other stuff I've probably blocked out. It was terrible, and I was very sad.

So what does this have to do with DQMJ? Same feeling. I loved the previous games - well, maybe not so much Caravan Heart, as I think the heart system was at best overly complicated and at worst a massive pain in the ass - and this has so far been kind of a letdown.

Let's start with the bad news first.
-Ugly textures on backgrounds: Yes, yes, I realize that this is a DS game and I should be happy there is 3D at all. But some of the background textures are literally blobs of pixels, and it looks sloppy considering how polished the characters are.
-piss-poor controls/camera: Okay, I bet that got your attention. "But Ayndin! Surely this as a DS game must have controls like that which God dictated to Moses along with the commandments!?" No. No it does not. You have a pretty standard 3D Zelda camera, and a button for "face forward" plus buttons to rotate the screen. Most of it is okay-ish, but the button can't be used while you run, so sometimes you can make a sudden turn and not see where you're going any more. Also, you can't really run diagonally (or fast - your character seems to powerwalk everywhere, which is *not quite fast enough* to catch monsters moving away from you). Combine this with the horrific collision detection and you have a generally unpleasant time getting around. Oh, and no, you can't use the stylus to move.
-awful collision detection: So you know how people joke about RPG characters being unable to get around foot-tall barriers? It's like that, but most things - people, terrain, etc. - have a five-foot forcefield around them. Expect to get snagged on things as you plod around maps. Also, you may have to run around doors/chests/people hitting A for a bit to be able to interact with them.
-Plot: no, not "what plot", though it's about as detailed so far as I'd expect a DQM to be. No, the tone here is kind of ominous, a far cry from the "whoops I'm in some weird world, time to befriend monsters so I can get home" or "oops, pulled the plug on the drain to the world, we should consider fixing that...by gathering a group of monsters and taking on the universe" of the past ones. You're part of some secret organization and have been sent to infiltrate the monster battling competition. Your father is a cold bastard and the head of said organization (this is said within ten seconds of the start of the game and maybe in the manual, don't "SPOILERS NOES" me). We are dark and edgy, and the main character looks like Trunks had an unfortunate accident with a hairdresser who liked playing cards as models.

Good things:
-the graphics: Seriously, I have to imagine the DS almost bursting into flames to be able to display this thing. The monsters are well rendered, as are most characters, forgiving small resolution some. Menus are clean, and I like the flowcharty thing they have on during battle on the touchscreen. My only real gripe is the textures on the backgrounds.
-stat porn: It seems to still be there. I haven't delved into it as much as I'd like - I've spent a lot of time trying to get the WiFi to work, as Joker and Joker alone seems to hate my setup - but there is breeding ("synthesis") and it does things that pass stuff down, which means there is wankery to be had.
-slimes: They're cute. Eat your heart out, Pikachu.

More to come as I play.